Recently, I read a book by Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (which has been made into a movie as well). In the novel, there is a line said by one of the characters that might describe the feelings or thoughts behind people who do tolerate and stay in an unhappy relationship – We accept the love we think we deserve.

There are a few behavior patterns that can break a relationship, as they are simply unacceptable. However, many individuals endure them and even allow such behavior to drain their health. Instead, it is better to draw the line and not accept such behavior.

You should understand that you are first an individual before a partner. And as such, your mental, physical and even spiritual welfare is of utmost importance and paramount in any relationship. And never consider this opinion of society. 

Stop Suffering and Call it Quits when you sense that your emotions are being toyed with. A loving relationship is like a flower, which requires an ample amount of patience, care, trust, commitment, and compromise to survive and flourish. So when these elements are missing in your relationship, and hurtful behavior makes incessant appearances, it’s time to put an end to it. Don't even think twice or try to compromise. 

Never tolerate these things in a relationship; 


Cheating and adultery is a big no-no, and can never be accepted, no matter what the circumstances may be. It’s difficult to deal with the situation when you find out that the one you love has been having an affair behind your back. Being unfaithful with your partner is an unforgivable offense. Always remember that the reason they are sorry is because you found out. And returning to such relationship will only make them play their cards well next time. Even the Bible condems such act. This should never be tolerated. 

Flirtatious Nature

A little flirting never hurt anybody. But if this behavior becomes a continuous habit, it can lead to severe problems for a couple. Flirting with someone you’re not involved with means that you, the guilty, are not respecting your partner’s feelings. And as for the innocent one, it can make him/her feel worthless. 


Mental Abuse

 ‘mental abuse’ means is that your partner is either emotionally hurting you, and/or is threatening to end the relationship altogether. Here, the individual uses mind games and tactics to make you do exactly what he/she wants. This behavior is unhealthy for a couple and should never be permitted.

Physical/Verbal Abuse

All kind of abuse is intolerable. And when things get to the point of physical violence, you know you have to get out. Violence can never be justified, and requires you to take some serious action against it. Don’t think for a second that giving them another chance will bring any change in their behavior. Ladies please be warned!. No matter the circumstance, this should never be tolerated. 


When your partner is chatting with an attractive person, it’s natural to become slightly jealous. But when jealousy reaches the point where an innocent conversation is mistaken for something else, it can create problems. Jealousy makes way for possessiveness and lack of faith in each other. Dealing with someone who gets jealous of every little incident is a difficult task. And if you curtail this in courtship, expect worse in marriage. This could also lead to obsessiveness which may end up killing you. Please never tolerate this. 


I personally believe there is no love without respect. And to know if your partner respects you, pay more attention to his/her actions towards you then words. Under no circumstances should your partner, or any other individual for that matter, humiliate you or say something to hurt your self-esteem. People who offend others and put others down so they can feel good about themselves are shallow and shouldn’t be interacted with.


 A lie is a lie. Whether white or gray, it is a lie. many believe that it helps keep relationships strong when you choose not to disclose certain information with your partner. This is a deciet. Dishonesty with the person you love is like cheating with their feelings and emotions. If your partner has lied to you once, chances are he/she can and will do it again. So never tolerate a lie. Remember it's in your power to determine how everyone else treats you including your partner. If you forgive a lie, no matter how little, you've only showed your partner that you'll tolerate the ones to come. Set standard. 

Taking for Granted

Being taken for granted hurts, as you let someone else rule your life and call the shots. It’s okay to adjust once in a while, but losing your self-confidence and your importance is not right. You cannot let someone else, even if you love each other very much, make you feel unimportant or take complete control over who you are as an individual. People who pay little attention to this, ends up regretting it. Remember it's a partnership. The feelings and opinion of the both parties must be considered. 

Dislike Family/Friends

This can never be overemphasized. Your friends and family are integral part of your life. And you share an unbreakable bond with them. No one should keep you away from them or disrespect them. If your partner is having issues whatsoever with your family, try to settle before further commitment if it can be settled. There is no future for a relationship who has discrepancies in both families. Adjusting with your partner’s family and friends is never easy. But when your partner is keeping you away from them, it makes your relationship with your partner difficult. 

Negative Attitude

Criticism is healthy, but up to a certain level. When criticism transforms into negative reactions to every little thing you do, sparks are going to fly (and not in a good way). Nobody likes to be told that they are wrong for anything and everything they do. So when you are supposedly in a loving relationship and your partner keeps criticizing you, you shouldn’t feel compelled to change your behavior. The problem is with him/her.

Financially Irresponsible

Finnce is one of the crucial issues in every relationship. It’s easy to spend money, but to do so responsibly is tough. Not everyone knows how to be financially responsible, save for the future, and differentiate between ‘want’ and ‘need’. So if you feel that your partner is spending his/her or your money uncontrollably, it’s time to have the talk and he/she shows negligence to what you say, it's an indication to cut ties immediately. 

Lack of Communication

Not being able to communicate properly with the person you’re involved with is a deal breaker. It’s common to sometimes run out of topics to discuss on. But when you and your partner can’t even have a normal conversation, or won’t share the details of your lives with one another, how can you expect the relationship to flourish? Lack of communication only increases the distance between a couple, and this gap is difficult to bridge.

Not Showing Affection

What do we want from the person we love? Mostly it’s just love and affection. Especially for a lady. When you’re in a relationship, you want to have fun and live life to the fullest. The closeness that a couple experiences is magical and can’t be substituted with anyone or anything else. So when your partner is too busy doing other things, or does not give you the attention you crave, then perhaps he/she is not worth your love.



This often happens when jealousy is neglected When your partner starts keeping tabs on you, or begins snooping through your stuff, you should call him/her on it. Spying is unacceptable, under any circumstances, and should never, ever be tolerated. This behavior from your partner means that they don’t trust you completely and need to know what you do at all times. When you haven’t done anything wrong and have nothing to hide from your partner, he/she has no right to spy on you. 

Losing Voice

This is one of the most common, yet neglected behavior among couples. When you start becoming comfortable around your partner, it’s natural to listen and do anything and everything he/she says. But there is one thing that is overlooked in such situations – your ideas, beliefs, and opinions are strangled. No matter how long you’ve been with someone, you cannot let anyone suppress your individuality.

It’s easy to say that when something isn’t working in a relationship, you should end it and move on. But it becomes tough for those involved in such relationships to actually muster up the courage and do what seems right. So my advice to you is to be absolutely sure about what you want in your relationship and how you wish to be treated. When you are clear with your intentions, no one has the power to bring you down. Thank you.